War On Reality Part 26 ; I Have A Gut Feeling, So Do We

Tell The Truthiness ; Why should we believe anything Mr Chertoff or the Department Of Homeland Security says?

War On Reality Part 23 ; Chertoff Gets His Security News From The Gut

Possibly being used as a smokescreen against all the bad news, possibly being used to boost the profile of his dangerously understaffed department or for any other stupid reason, Michael Chertoff has cited a terrorist attack this summer on the US, with no evidence whatsoever.

The worst thing about this new threat* is that he hasn't pretended or talked up flimsy evidence, he's gone one better, he's said that there is no evidence, but that he has a ''gut feeling''.

Tell The Truthiness ; We have a gut feeling that Chertoff is an idiot and shouldn't be in charge of Homeland Security, you really should believe us though, because it's in our gut, so it MUST be true.

* please use an english to truthiness dictionary for the truthiness language definition of this word.

Bomb Plot ; We Have Nothing To Fear But Stupidity Itself & Dick Cheney's Flying Hawk Men

With the news media running the JFK fuel bomb plot as a ''phew we just got away with it, are you scared yet?'', piece, some facts have come through that suggest things weren't quite as we thought.

Firstly, it's become pretty common for big 'we just dodged a bullet' terrorist plots to be revealed at some politically important time for the White House, since this story came though the day before the Democratic New Hampshire debate, we have no doubt that Bush it trying not to disappoint.

Secondly, the huge devastation this plan would have caused has been cast into shadow as engineers have said any explosion could have been easily averted by switching off the flow of fuel. Some media outlets seemed to relish the fact the pipeline runs through Queens, getting all speculative about what 'might have occurred'. It might have caused huge casualties in a residential area? Yeah, it might and Paris Hilton just MIGHT be smarter than we all think, but really it's probably not the case. Law of averages and all that.

Thirdly, the man who gave the tip-off about the plan is a convicted drug-dealer and revealed the information as a deal for a lighter sentence. Now we have no proof, but deals made with those facing jail time, tend to sometimes be exaggerated. We're sure George Bush has on occasion returned to the ranch and told a story about how big the fish was that he almost caught with Dick.

Tell The Truthiness ; People are getting tired of all these plots being drip fed to us and being told how lucky we are, then defence and security officials saying, 'but there's loads more plots we've foiled, we just can't tell you for security, but that shows how efficent the security services are'. Really, if you want to scare us, just rerun the 2000 presidential inauguration tape, or get Dick Cheney to jump into frame during a White House press conference dressed like Ming The Merciless from Flash Gordon.

That would give us nightmares until election day.

Terror Threat Weather Forecast; Take An Umbrella And AK-47

Here's tomorow's terror threat forecast in full, just in from the White House,

There's a large area of insurgency moving in overnight, affecting almost all areas with only those in more remotes part just getting a light sprinkling. Mid-afternoon this will give way to general lawlessness for major towns and cities, those in rural districts will be bound to receive some of this, but we don't have monitoring equipment or staff in those areas, so if we don't see it, it doesn't happen.

So in summary; we don't see any change at any point in the near future, unless fresh air begins to blow in, bringing with it a new and much welcomed change in policy.



The Truthiness Blog Says ; Don't forget your IED Sunscreen!